MICHAEL: Hey Laurie. It’s me, your institutionalized brother!
LAURIE: ??
MICHAEL: You know, Michael!
LAURIE: I dont know a Michael
MICHAEL: I murdered our older sis a few years ago?
LAURIE: Oh. That was u?
MICHAEL: Yeah, weird that mom and dad didn’t tell you about that. It was kind of a big deal.
LAURIE: That’s soooo typical mom and dad
MICHAEL: IKR?
MICHAEL: What’s up sis!
LAURIE: NM, u?
MICHAEL: Just standing around in total silence like always!
LAURIE: Cool
MICHAEL: Gonna be in town soon, we should catch up!
LAURIE: Cant that day
MICHAEL: I didn’t tell you when!
LAURIE: Well Im very busy not having sex these days
MICHAEL: Hey sis! Don’t you just love fall!
LAURIE: I miss summertime
MICHAEL: What! That’s so lame!
LAURIE: There aren’t alot of local urban legends about babysitters being murdered in the summer
MICHAEL: You’re babysitting now! That’s cool!
LAURIE: I didn’t say that
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Whats up
MICHAEL: Just picking up a pumpkin spice latte! Yum!
LAURIE: Gross
LAURIE: wait do they let you do that
MICHAEL: Now you sound like mom and dad! Always putting down my favorite seasonal activities!
LAURIE: Murdering babysitters isnt a normal past time Michael
MICHAEL: I don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life!
LAURIE: Ok good, dont come over here
MICHAEL: But I need help pouring this latte into my mask
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Not now Michael
MICHAEL: How’s your slutty friend?
LAURIE: Dead
MICHAEL: LOL
MICHAEL: Heyyyy sis!
LAURIE: Michael why are you texting me right now
MICHAEL: Just to say hi!
LAURIE: I know u r here stalking me
MICHAEL: Oh is this your house? It’s nice! Lots of closet space!
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Stop trying to murder me, Mike
MICHAEL: Texting while driving results in a billion fatal accidents every year, Laurie! That’s not “murder” gosh, do your research!
LAURIE: Im not driving tho
MICHAEL: Technicalities!
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Michael stop it
MICHAEL: Just trying to be festive! I love fall fashion, don’t you!
LAURIE: A rubber mask is not fashion
MICHAEL: Blood and knife emojis!
LAURIE: What’s that supposed to mean
MICHAEL: Do you know how hard it is to express myself without a face?!
MICHAEL: Hiiii Laurie!
LAURIE: What now
MICHAEL: Did you get that funny meme I sent!
LAURIE: A picture of a knife is not a meme
MICHAEL: Ok but it is funny IMHO!
LAURIE: Well ur opinion is messed up
MICHAEL: Stop trying to cancel me for my edgy humor, Laurie!
LAURIE: Avoiding being stabbed isnt cancel culture
MICHAEL: Whatever! Have you had sex yet!
LAURIE: None of ur business
MICHAEL: You should stop being a prude so I can murder you LOL!
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Stop creeping around outside like that
MICHAEL: How did you know!
LAURIE: U R playing that synthy horror music really loud
MICHAEL: It gets me pumped tho!
LAURIE: The neighbors r starting to complain
MICHAEL: You’re making that up! I killed them all on Tuesday!
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Nope
MICHAEL: I’m sorry if I embarrassed you before!
LAURIE: U stabbed me and murdered my friends!
MICHAEL: OK I may have missed some social cues!
LAURIE: ….
MICHAEL: You should go upstairs, I left you an apology present.
LAURIE: I know u r up there with a knife
MICHAEL: I might be up here with a puppy for all you know!
LAURIE: Is it a dead puppy?
MICHAEL: This is why no one invites you to surprise parties, Laurie!
MICHAEL: Hey sis!
LAURIE: Go away Michael
MICHAEL: Can you talk?
LAURIE: U don’t speak
MICHAEL: Well MAYBE you just suck at LISTENING!
MICHAEL: Hey sis, you free tonight?
LAURIE: No
MICHAEL: I knew it! You’re having company over and you didn’t want to include me!
LAURIE: Ok fine, that old doctor guy is here
MICHAEL: Ugh he’s so obsessed with me! Tell him I’m not here!
LAURIE: r u in the house right now?
MICHAEL: Dammit
MICHAEL: Hey sis, good job killing me!
MICHAEL: JK!!! I’ll see you in a sec!
LAURIE: uhhh new phone, who this?
MICHAEL: Oh sorry, this is your brother Michael Myers.
LAURIE: IDK who that is
MICHAEL: Oh I get it, you’re pranking me. Runs in the family!
LAURIE: again, murder does not = sense of humor
MICHAEL: LOLOL you’re the best, let’s do this every year!
