Question: “What Do You Do?” Answer:

 

Answer at Three Years Old

Run around

Poop and make funny noises, mostly

Throw up on my babysitter

Sometimes I eat things off the sidewalk

Answer at Five Years Old

I CONQUER THE WORLD

Answer at Ten Years Old

I don’t know

Please stop looking at my braces

Answer at Fifteen Years Old

Mostly I stand here and look pretty

I watch that guy over there a lot

mmm check my phone

Send a text

Sometimes my parents give me an allowance if I come home before 10

Answer at Eighteen Years Old

I live with my BFFs in a dorm!

Oh and I guess sometimes I’m a barista

But who cares about money

Money’s boring

Answer at Nineteen Years Old

I NEED MONEY

THAT’S WHAT I DO

Answer at Twenty Three Years Old

I work five jobs

Get thrown up on by the kids I babysit

And also sometimes people on the street with poor aim

I miss college

Yeah

That’s

That’s pretty much it

Answer at Twenty Five Years Old

I’m in grad school

Turns out I did college wrong the first time

So

Answer at Thirty Years Old

I work three jobs

Still paying off student loans and all

But mostly I just look at kids today and wonder if I was ever that insane

Like WHO DOESN’T THINK A JOB IS SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT

BUMS

THAT’S who

Answer at Forty Years Old

I have like seven kids

Or maybe just two

They run so fast

Answer at Fifty Years Old

Yeah

I think kids have always been insane

Answer at Sixty Years Old

I heard a joke once about the retirement age being 65

ha

ha

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