- Art-major in front row mutters something about how it should be called a “one person show” – let’s be politically correct here, for *#!%’s sake
- Set = one chair
- Actor makes very compelling eye contact with space above audience’s heads
- Very few big musical numbers
- Actor shouts next line to wake up a snoring audience member
- FREE SPACE: no intermission (for fear of audience abandonment)
- Actor’s blocking consists of very slow counter-clockwise circles, possibly with intent of hypnotizing audience
- Audience interaction! (bonus points if obvious plant)
- Actor looks more alone than Anne Hathaway onstage with James Franco at the Oscars
- Actor would probably be more compelling if onstage with James Franco at the Oscars
- Actor asks a question of no one and appears shocked when no one answers
- (OTHER) FREE SPACE: morale drooping! Time to threaten audience with ye olde “I need a volunteer” trick!
- Actor wears nondescript black clothing
- Actor curses edgily
- Audience members all bear a striking resemblance to Actor – may all be obliging family members
- Actor says something eerily similar to another line ten minutes ago. May have forgotten lines and entered endless loop of repetition
- Actor makes joke at audience expense and receives obligatory/grudging laughter
- Actor makes side comment about how the audience doesn’t actually want to be there. Audience wonders how he read their minds
hahahah “Actor would probably be more compelling if onstage with James Franco at the Oscars”
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