- Art-major in front row mutters something about how it should be called a “one person show” – let’s be politically correct here, for *#!%’s sake
- Set = one chair
- Actor makes very compelling eye contact with space above audience’s heads
- Very few big musical numbers
- Actor shouts next line to wake up a snoring audience member
- FREE SPACE: no intermission (for fear of audience abandonment)
- Actor’s blocking consists of very slow counter-clockwise circles, possibly with intent of hypnotizing audience
- Audience interaction! (bonus points if obvious plant)
- Actor looks more alone than Anne Hathaway onstage with James Franco at the Oscars
- Actor would probably be more compelling if onstage with James Franco at the Oscars
- Actor asks a question of no one and appears shocked when no one answers
- (OTHER) FREE SPACE: morale drooping! Time to threaten audience with ye olde “I need a volunteer” trick!
- Actor wears nondescript black clothing
- Actor curses edgily
- Audience members all bear a striking resemblance to Actor – may all be obliging family members
- Actor says something eerily similar to another line ten minutes ago. May have forgotten lines and entered endless loop of repetition
- Actor makes joke at audience expense and receives obligatory/grudging laughter
- Actor makes side comment about how the audience doesn’t actually want to be there. Audience wonders how he read their minds
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hahahah “Actor would probably be more compelling if onstage with James Franco at the Oscars”
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