For Your Consideration: This Horrible Cat

 

Dear Husband:

I know you’ve said that you are reluctant to take in a pet while we’re in our first years of marriage.  Some of the reasons you’ve cited have been that:

  • Pets require attention
  • They make travel difficult
  • They are a big commitment and will probably be with us for forever and are we ready for that?
  • The cost of their food/personal needs could only be afforded if it is deducted from the cost of our food/personal needs

Obama would obviously vouch for this

If I were Obama, I would say that I hear your concerns, and I thank  you for your concerns, and these concerns will be addressed.  But first, they are good concerns to have and concerns, as an institution in general, are good to pay attention to.  Good for America, good for democracy.  Probably also good for pet-owners and every would-be #catmomofinstagram.

But since I’m me, I’d like to submit my own list of reasons for why we should consider taking in a pet.  Specifically my family’s horrible cat, Suki.

  • Her name means “beloved” in Japanese.  Now, don’t really love her, and probably no one in my family ever has, but doesn’t she still deserve the chance at finding love?  The chance to experience a new home that might, maybe, make her more lovable?
  • She is very good at eating spiders.  This would free you up at nights when I go into the bathroom and scream “COME KILL A BIG ONE,” and would also take a load off my mind during the days when you are not around to do so
  • As far as I know, she has never slept on anyone’s face and smothered them to death
  • My mom dislikes and has always disliked her, and it seems unfair to leave the cat with  her now that we’ve all moved out.  I sometimes receive threatening texts from my dad saying things like “your mother is looking for a woodsman to take Suki to the forest”
  • Buying enough food for the two of us is already pretty much more than we can afford.  One more (smaller!) mouth won’t make a huge difference
  • She generally minds her own business
  • She will keep your shoes warm for you after you’ve taken them off, at which time she likes to go sniff around and sit inside of them while they’re empty
  • She is kind of fat, and her belly is fun to poke
  • If we don’t get a pet sometime soon, I will probably start talking to our plants.  I have already named them.  Daily instagram updates with the hashtag #plantmomsofinstagram will be forthcoming
  • I have scars on my arms from giving her flea-treatment baths when I was a kid.  If that isn’t bonding material, I don’t know what is
  • She is sort of old and doesn’t bite much anymore
  • She probably is not a Republican this year
  • Instead of sending each other cat gifs through the week, we could just send pictures of our cat and feel way more original and therefore cool
  • She has clearly always loved me the most and it is my moral and familial duty to take her in and return that love
IMG_1764 (2).jpg

Do you see the love in her eyes?  That can’t be faked.

I respect that we have differences of opinion, and I hope that we can continue to hear each other out in this loving, peaceful, and absolutely reasonable/logical fashion.

Sincerely yours, etc.,

Wife

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3 thoughts on “For Your Consideration: This Horrible Cat

  1. I hear you with the old cat, Laura. Déjà vu with Mizzi. But the parents always inherit the pets. It’s just life. Let it be. Be friends with your neighbors cat. Get a stuffed animal.

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  2. Pingback: For Your Consideration: This Horrible Blog-Vandalizing Husband | The Sidecar

  3. Pingback: “Big day in Acting II for Galen Nicol.” – Vagabond Homebody

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