Caretaking for the elderly is an interesting job. I can’t say it was always good for my self-esteem.
Here are a few gems from my time spent in nursing homes/personal care.
[Old Lady is angry when I tell her it’s time for bed]
Old Lady: “Don’t mess with me. I’ll kick your house.”
[Old Lady hits me on the head while I try to put her slippers on for her]
Me: “That hurt! Why did you hit me?”
Old Lady: “I didn’t!”
Me: “Then who did?”
Old Lady: “….a gopher.”
[Old Lady is grumpy about the fact that it’s bedtime]
Me: “Okay, we need to head to bed.”
Old Lady: “Excuse me! I need to head to bed. YOU need to find a man.”
Me: “…”
[Old Lady is insistent that I call someone named “JT” at 1AM]
Old Lady: “Just wait until JT hears about this.”
Me: “Hears about what?”
Old Lady: “Your willful disobedience.”
Me: “Well, you can tell him about it tomorrow.”
Old Lady: “By then it’ll be too late. Call JT now.”
Me: “It’s 1AM, I don’t think JT would like that.”
Old Lady: “….”
Me: “…..”
Old Lady: “Do you know what time it is?”
Me: “It’s–”
Old Lady: “–WRONG. It’s JT Time.”
[It’s Dinner Time. I offer a spoonful of the meal to Old Lady.]
Old Lady: “Is this my lobster dinner?”
Me: “It’s tuna.”
Old Lady: [spits it out] “NO! Play for the right team!”
[Old Lady Turns and smiles at me, which in retrospect I realize should have alerted me that a sick burn was on its way]
Old Lady: “Did you see your mother today?”
Me: “Actually I did, yes.”
Old Lady: “Well. How unfortunate for her.”
[Old Lady has done something endearing and I can’t help but rush at her with love and hug her little snarky self]
Me: “AWW I LOVE YOU!!”
Old Lady: [sighing heavily] “Ugh. Well, it can’t get much worse than that.“
It’s ALWAYS JT time.
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