Caretaking for the elderly is an interesting job. I can’t say it was always good for my self-esteem.

Here are a few gems from my time spent in nursing homes/personal care.

 

[Old Lady is angry when I tell her it’s time for bed]

Old Lady: “Don’t mess with me. I’ll kick your house.”

 

[Old Lady hits me on the head while I try to put her slippers on for her]

Me: “That hurt! Why did you hit me?”

Old Lady: “I didn’t!”

Me: “Then who did?”

Old Lady: “….a gopher.”

 

[Old Lady is grumpy about the fact that it’s bedtime]

Me: “Okay, we need to head to bed.”

Old Lady: “Excuse me! I need to head to bed. YOU need to find a man.”

Me: “…”

 

[Old Lady is insistent that I call someone named “JT” at 1AM]

Old Lady: “Just wait until JT hears about this.”

Me: “Hears about what?”

Old Lady: “Your willful disobedience.”

Me: “Well, you can tell him about it tomorrow.”

Old Lady: “By then it’ll be too late. Call JT now.”

Me: “It’s 1AM, I don’t think JT would like that.”

Old Lady: “….”

Me: “…..”

Old Lady: “Do you know what time it is?”

Me: “It’s–”

Old Lady: “–WRONG. It’s JT Time.”

 

 

 

[It’s Dinner Time. I offer a spoonful of the meal to Old Lady.]

Old Lady: “Is this my lobster dinner?”

Me: “It’s tuna.”

Old Lady: [spits it out] “NO! Play for the right team!”

 

[Old Lady Turns and smiles at me, which in retrospect I realize should have alerted me that a sick burn was on its way]

Old Lady: “Did you see your mother today?”

Me: “Actually I did, yes.”

Old Lady: “Well. How unfortunate for her.”

 

[Old Lady has done something endearing and I can’t help but rush at her with love and hug her little snarky self]

Me: “AWW I LOVE YOU!!”

Old Lady: [sighing heavily]  “Ugh. Well, it can’t get much worse than that.“