Road trips are great for taking in some All-American scenery. But when you only have about 0.1 seconds to read the sign for a building called “The Gathering Place” before you pass it by, you have to wonder… is it a church, a bar, or a brothel*?
(* For our purposes, we’ll broaden the definition of “brothel” to include adult stores, clubs, and other similar industries. I know they’re not the same thing, but I’m a sucker for alliterations.)
Here are some examples from my most recent road trip. Your guesses are as good as mine.
The Gathering Place: This one actually could be any of them. Church folk gather, drinkin’ folk gather, people looking for company… gather…. Maybe this establishment is ahead of its time and is actually all of the options
The Shaggy Sheep: I’m going to guess bar, but it’s also possible that there’s a pastor making a cheap parable joke here
The Lion’s Den: Brothel. Definitely brothel.
HARVEST: I feel like it has to be a church because churches are full of planting/harvesting language. But the fact that it’s all in caps makes me feel like it’s just a front for a group of cannibalistic aliens who are trying too hard
Bis: I mistakenly thought this word was French for “kiss.” Tuns out, it means “again, as a direction in a musical score indicating that a passage is to be repeated” (thanks, Dictionary.com). Still going with #3
Odyssey Fun World: I’ve read ancient Greek literature. I know what their fun was all about
Bright Eyes and Bushy Tails: I’m sort of hoping this is none of the options
Hot House: Maybe a bar that’s also a sauna
Three Samurai: A brothel with some specializations
Innovation Center: A hip and trendy nondenominational mega church
rue21: I’m slightly dyslexic and so first read this as “r u 21?” which I thought was very clever, so I’m going to count it and say “bar”
QuikTrip: Stop making this so easy, gas stations
Super Saver: Church all the way
Mega Saver: A bigger church
Jeremiah’s: A bar where a man stands in the corner with a “DOOM IS NEAR” sign all night long
Kum & Go!: I’m not going to touch this one