Why You Never Hear Back From HR After Submitting A Job Application

[door closes]

“Alright, Mary, how many today?”

“Twenty-seven, sir”

“Good, good”

[glasses clinking, liquid pouring]

“Here”

“Thank you sir”

“Read away”

“Applicant graduated last May”

“New grad!  Bottoms up.”

[shots taken]

“Major: Philosophy.”

“Useless major!  Another shot!”

“GPA: 4.0”

“Sucker who believes in the grading system!  Another shot, and some water, Mary”

“Yes sir”

[brief silence; both contemplate window]

“Read on, Mary”

“Last paid job: Starbucks”

“HAHAHAHA”

[liquid pours; rotating hand gesture meaning continue]

“There IS an unpaid internship held for two years, sir”

“Relevant to the field?”

“Yes sir, with references provided”

[silence; shot glass waiting in hand]

“What skills does the applicant list?”

“Proficient in Microsoft Office”

“SHOT!”

[they do]

“What else?”

“Deadline-oriented”

“‘NOTHER SHOT!”

[they do]

“WHAT ELSE”

“I… need some water”

“NO TIME FOR THAT MARY.  MORE SKILLS!”

“Three years experience editing a faculty member’s novel?”

[silence; hiring manager glares inconsolably at shot glass]

“One thing more, Mary.”

“Sir?”

“Is the applicant… a team player?”

“……. yes sir”

“IT’S MINE!”

[Hiring manager springs forward, grabs resume, feverishly folds into paper airplane and tosses out window]

“MADE IT THROUGH THE NEXT-DOOR WINDOW.  DOUBLE SHOT AND NEXT!”

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Why You Never Hear Back From HR After Submitting A Job Application

  1. Oh, no! I have been helping someone write resumes and last time I was looking for a job, those were all original sounding skills! I wonder how many people in HR we got drunk!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s