Passages from ‘The Art of War’ in which “Your Enemy” is replaced with “Bae”

Ancient Chinese war strategy poetry, or middle school?  You decide.

 

I.  Making of Plans

The Way of [Love] is a way of deception.

When able, feign inability.  Lure with bait; strike with chaos.

If bae is full, be prepared.  If strong, avoid him.

If bae is angry, disconcert him.  If he is weak, stir him to pride.  If he is relaxed, harry him.

This is Victory in [Love]; it cannot be divulged in advance.

 

VII.  Maneuvering 

To be near the goal while bae is still far from it, to wait at ease while bae is toiling and struggling, to be well-fed while bae is famished:–this is the art of husbanding one’s strength.

To refrain from intercepting bae whose banners are in perfect order, to refrain from advancing when bae is drawn up in calm and confident array:–this is the art of studying circumstances.

Do not pursue a bae who simulates flight.

Do not swallow bait offered by bae.

 

IX.  Bae On The March

When bae is close at hand and remains quiet, he is relying on the natural strength of his position.

Humble words and increased preparations are signs that bae is about to advance. Violent language and driving forward as if to the attack are signs that he will retreat.

 

XI.  The Nine Situations

If bae leaves a door open, you must rush in.

At first, then, exhibit the coyness of a maiden, until bae gives you an opening; afterwards emulate the rapidity of a running hare.

By persistently hanging on bae’s flank, you shall succeed.

 

 

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