Current Trends That The Old Curmudgeon In Me Doesn’t Like Or Understand

  • The man-bun.  Are you a samurai?  Then stop that.
  • The word “yaaaaaas.”  This is even more nefarious when all in caps.  I don’t care how this started or how funny it was, it needs to stop.  You are not in fact an internet cat.  You are a human being.  You can say words.  It’s okay.
  • Responding to something with solo fragments of a sentence.  You just read an article about the effects of nuanced economic troubles in a foreign country.  It made you think, it made you feel, it made you want to do something about it.  Posting a comment that simply says “THIS” or “Obsessed” is NOT THAT THING.
  • Any variant of the ripped shirt travesty.  I’m talking about this trend:img-thing
    Did you fight a lion on the way here?  Because that’s cool!  But fix your shirt, woman.  I don’t care if it’s on the back, on the shoulders, or across your boobs.  It’s trashy and you’re better than that.
  • #LiterarySwag.  I think it’s awesome that you want to change the definition of words like “cool” to include people who read and care about learning things, Yahdon Israel.  But your horrible hipster See-How-Smart-I-Am-With-My-Fancy-Shoes-And-Instagram-Filter photos aren’t actually doing that much good.5632056714000093013c9699.png
  • Face-Swapping PLEASE GOD MAKE IT ALL STOP.  Guys!  Yes, it’s an anomaly, and technology exists and that’s cool, but PLEASE STOP TERRIFYING EVERYONE.
  • Long nails.  How is this a thing?  When I worked at Starbucks, I had a regular customer who literally had to have her boyfriend remove her credit card from her wallet so she could pay because her nails were so freakishly long.  What is the deal with this?  I honestly don’t understand why you would do this to yourself. 9e18823f-c167-4f34-9a00-11e28517a073
  • The phrase “I can’t even.”  As a beginning of a sentence, sure.  But it’s not actually a sentence, guys.  You can’t even WHAT?  We’re all dying to know!
  • This obsession with kale.  It’s not that great.  It’s sort of just cabbage.  Stop naming your children after it.
  • Speaking of naming.  You probably should stop naming your children after Game of Thrones characters.  Literally the only safe choice there is Ned, and I guess Catelyn.  Everybody else has serious issues that your child will not want to be associated with in their young teen years.  Have a heart, give the name to your pet instead (who is not actually your child, just so you know – I’m lookin at you, #CatMomsOfInstagram).

    This post originally appeared on Vagabond Homebody

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